{"id":382,"date":"2017-12-24T18:02:27","date_gmt":"2017-12-24T18:02:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/?p=382"},"modified":"2017-12-24T18:02:27","modified_gmt":"2017-12-24T18:02:27","slug":"final-christmas-warning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/2017\/12\/final-christmas-warning\/","title":{"rendered":"Final Christmas Warning"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hello, everyone, merry Christmas to everyone and hope you are enjoying this season? Well today, we will just give you a few reasons why you have to be very careful and you have to take very good care in monitoring yourself especially when it comes to your poop. Well if you are a stranger to this fact, I will tell you now that poop is health. If you don\u2019t believe me ask Eric the nice guy who works at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. According to CNN, the institute was researching on the use bacteria from poop of healthy poopers to help sick people. Its kind of like a poop transplant thing where they insert another man\u2019s poop into your rectum or stuff like that. You can read CNN for more of that here<\/a>. Well enough of serious stuff. We are here to tell you why you should be more careful with what you do during Christmas.<\/p>\n

Christmas is the time for merriment and vacations and the good stuff never ends. Now while travelling you should beware of what they call travellers diarrhea. Well, if you think its not that serious, you might want to know that that just might be the reason Santa did not make it to your house last Christmas. See, Santa Claus is a well-travelled person. He comes all the way from the North pole and supplies good stuffs for good children and punishes the naughty ones. See, last time, I got a call from Santa apologising for the \u201cminor\u201d mix-up in Christmas presents. What I saw was something far from minor. I\u2019ll tell you, I saw Santa\u2019s Poop in my socks. Huge, messy diarrhea-like poop (I kid you not). While I was glad that Santa called, I was also kind of pissed off at the \u201cunusual\u201d present. So, I asked Santa to explain himself and he gave me this incredible story:<\/p>\n

Santa had set up early from the north pole for Christmas to distribute his various Christmas goodies for the kids. However, the elf mechanics were running way behind schedule. So, Santa decided to hasten the servicing of his \u201cflying-reindeer coach\u201d thingy (whatever you call that). First, he made a stop at Argentina and delivers all his goodies then goes to Thailand, Peru, Japan, South Africa, Ghana, Mexico and some other countries. Then, he decided to go to Spain, and then, the most unfortunate thing happened. His \u201cflying-reindeer coach\u201d thingy got spoilt and he had to phone the elf company to fix that. Means he is stuck in Spain. \u201cWell, I thought exploring one of the most-travelled tourist destination may be a good distraction while the elf mechanics fixed my\u2026\u201d I can\u2019t remember the name of the flying-reindeer coach thingy. So, Santa decided to take a look around Spain. He first visited the royal palace, the Prado museum of arts and other beautiful places and then, he got hungry. \u201cYou got hungry?\u201d I asked him in shock to which he replied: \u201cOf course Santa\u2019s gotta eat once in a while.\u201d He was hungry and then he made what would be one of the most terrible mistakes he would regret. He went to eat. He got to this road-side stall and ordered for some Tapas. After having some of the delicious snack, his elves called him that the reindeer has been fixed and off he was to America. On approaching the continent he began to feel a rumble in the tummy which soon degenerated to a frantic drumming of the stomach. Like the African proverb, when you eat bad food, your stomach drums for you to dance. His anal sphincter felt like it was going to explode and moreover he wasn\u2019t close enough to any building to use the toilet. So he had just a few options. Option A, poop on his pants, Option B try to aim his rectal nozzle at the ocean which could ruin his new flying-reindeer coach thingy, not to talk of the possible scandal about Santa causing water pollution if he was found out. So he thought about option C which is to improvise and convert one of the gift bags to a makeshift toilet. While, ruminating on this, His stomach gave a final huge rumble and a little poop squirted out of his butt into his pants. Noticing the final warning he quickly unwrapped one of the presents sat on it and shot a huge, brown, watery jelly of Santa poop. This was followed by another and another round. Then, he felt a little better. He wrapped the \u201cgift\u201d and put it in the back of his flying-reindeer coach thingy since he couldn\u2019t find a suitable place to dump it. Not long after another bout of diarrhea came and he repeated the process with another bag, and another, and another, and he just kept them at the back. Soon enough, he was feeling absolutely better. He soon got to America and distributed most of the presents from the front\u2026 and \u201cback\u201d and got going to other countries to distribute his Christmas goodies from the front\u2026 and \u201cback\u201d. When he had finished his tour round the world, a tired Santa went back to the north pole to have his rest after a job well done. He was awakened suddenly by another bout of diarrhea and while in the toilet, it hit him. \u201cOh poop!\u201d he exclaimed, goose bumps rose at the back of his neck and his face flushed red. He must have pooped in more than 1000 bags on Christmas night and he had somehow forgotten and has delivered all the bags, as gifts!!! Well, an agitated Santa and the elves spent the remaining December trying to recall all the Christmas gifts that Christmas. Well that\u2019s how I and 999 other privileged people got our special Christmas presents. I could send you a piece of it if you doubt me.<\/p>\n

Now Santa just experienced traveller\u2019s diarrhea from food poisoning. Just a hint, Spain has been rated one of the top spots for traveller\u2019s diarrhea with about a 40% probability for travellers to contract traveller\u2019s diarrhea. If you are going to be travelling, I would recommend you watch out for places like Spain, France, America, Peru, Thailand, Egypt, Greece and Dominican Republic. If you want to make your journey a memorable one without a stain of diarrhea, you are advised to watch what you eat. Merry Christmas.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hello, everyone, merry Christmas to everyone and hope you are enjoying this season? Well today, we will just give you a few reasons why you have to be very careful and you have to take very good care in monitoring yourself especially when it comes to your poop. Well if you are a stranger to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":383,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-382","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/PoopingSanta.png?fit=3000%2C3000&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/382","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=382"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/382\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":384,"href":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/382\/revisions\/384"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=382"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=382"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poopjournal.rocks\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=382"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}