Have you ever had to defecate most peculiarly before? Going number two is attached to human survival. You have to export some of those materials you import into your gut to stay healthy. So, pooping is as natural as breathing. Sometimes though, pooping takes place in the most cringe-worthy and unusual circumstances that will make you want to dig a hole and bury yourself in. However, there are some horrifying but funny stories these people experience that will probably trump yours. These stories will not only make you howl, but they will tell you that when you got to go, you got to go. Do not try to find a way around it.
A Crappy Ending to a Happy First Date
What do you do to a poo that refuses to flush down the toilet? Fling it out the window, maybe? At least that is what a British woman did. Desperate times they say calls for desperate action. Shit is not about to go down, then up it goes through the window.
She became popular on the internet after throwing crap through the window of her Tinder date.
In the beginning…
The woman and the man met up for a first date, had a romantic meal and it was going really well. The guy, a Bristol postgraduate student, and the lady, a college student were enjoying their date until they decided to move it to the guy’s house. The lady had to go real bad. Then came the famous large poop that won’t go down without a fight. As she was too classy to leave the toilet without flushing, she made a split-second decision to rap the turd in toilet paper and throw it out the bathroom window.
The window was double layered and after the first window was the second one that does not open. She then went back to her date to tell him about the poo lodged in the gap between the two windows. While the guy was thinking of a thousand ways to break the window, she suggested that as an amateur gymnast, she should be able to fit in and get the sh!t out, nothing major. He then gentlemanly lowered her down to retrieve the poo but she got herself stuck upside down in-between the two windows. Thanks to the Bristol fire department, she was rescued and got the nickname “Shirehampton sh!t slinger” after the debacle. But hey, the windows were broken during the rescue and Liam opened a Go Fund Me to replace them.
Story 2: It’s a Wrap
Women carry a purse for different reasons but who would have thought that hiding poo will be one of them? It is definitely not the woman in this story. A toilet that will not flush regularly is a nightmare. You cannot predict when they will work and when they will hang up on you.
Like any beautiful woman, Makela went on a date with a guy she met at a grocery store. One thing led to another and they decided to go to the guy’s house. Now, like all horror stories, things started going south from there. First, she had to go do number 2. Then it was not your usual run-of-the-mill turd but a large one. It is always the large ones that stubbornly hold on for dear life. Then the toilet decided to take a break. She kept flushing for long minutes and realized she was keeping her date waiting. What did she do?
She wrapped the crap up like a burrito and kept it safely inside her purse. She proceeded with the date and things started heating up. But Makela really could not concentrate. Her date was calling her beautiful and she was getting all hot on the inside but not the sexual kind. It was from the knowledge of having feces in her purse.
At this point, she didn’t know what to do so she texted her sister who gave her the sound advice of getting out and throwing the poop outside. She couldn’t do that though, she waited. Fast forward a few hours later, the owner of the unreliable toilet used it, and lo and behold, it worked. Then she made a beeline for the toilet and prayed this time it does not disappoint. There she flushed the wrapped turd. It was both horrifying and funny at the same time. She advised people not to drink coffee before a date.
Order of Business
At 17, Mike wanted his first time having sex to be memorable and sweet. It was absolutely the former but it was more sour than sweet. Mike, 17, and his girlfriend, 16 planned to finally do the deed and made a deal at shaving and showering and setting the mood with candle lights. The venue was the girl’s parents’ bedroom.
It started really nicely with the female on top making beautiful noises, then after a while, they changed positions. Now, while all these are going on, Mike was feeling a little discomfort down south. He knew he had to take a dump but he could not forfeit this life-changing experience for ordinary poop. It turned out it was not ordinary after all.
The girlfriend was getting a little kinky and decided to take it up a notch. She went down, took him in her mouth, and made the mortal mistake of sticking her finger up his anus. It was a catastrophe from there. Large, heavy, and really smelly projectile that has been cooped up for some time flew out of Mike and onto her parent’s bed, hitting the girl in the process. The poops were not only stinky but also painful because of their sheer size.
Well, he went to the bathroom, cleaned himself up, and could not face the girl until days later after the air is cleared. Safe to say the relationship ended afterward.
The stories of these three people were probably embarrassing when they happened but looking back at it brings back memories of a time they did something silly. Hope you have events to reminisce and laugh about with the people around you.